Dancing with the Angels

My parents have a small group of friends that have been together for 30+ years.  They all knew each other before they were married, have grown together, had babies together, traveled together, done just about everything together.  Our families celebrate Easter together every year.  This week the group was reduced by one.

Our friend, Mary, was always the life of the party.  She loved to talk, crack a joke, share a smile, encourage the downcast, and share the love of God by the way she lived.  You never had a problem seeing the light side with her around :).

Three years ago she had a seizure at her daughter's soccer game.  The MRI showed a mass on her brain and the doctors surgically removed what they could.  A couple weeks later Mary received a diagnosis; she had a glioblastoma brain tumor.  This was a day or so after Cory was born.

"Glioblastoma is the most common primary malignant type of brain tumor in adults. Despite aggressive therapy, the average survival time of a patient with glioblastoma is less than 1 year, with a 5-year survival rate of approximately 5%." (www.researchvegf.com)

 Mary went under the knife a second time and was given 3-6 months to live with chemotherapy and radiation.  That is the kind of news that knocks the wind out of you, but Mary is a different breed.  She fought hard to beat the cancer and succeeded for quite a while.  The tumors returned a few times in the past three years, yet each time Mary managed to keep smiling and keep fighting.  She survived much longer than 80-90% of people with this diagnosis.

The last time the tumor returned was July 2009.  Mary had another surgery on her birthday.  After that surgery she was never the same.  Recovery was harder than previous surgeries, she lost some use in her right arm and hand, she couldn't find the words she needed and she was unable to go to church or do other activities for long periods of time anymore.  The doctors recommended cyber knife treatments and a new biotherapy drug to reduce the chance of reoccurrence.  Regardless, she continued to slowly deteriorate with no explanation.  She had a clean MRI in December and there was no explanation for the pain she was experiencing every day.  No one could figure out why she was dying. 

As of last week it became obvious things were winding down.  Mary could no longer put together a sentence because she could not find the words.  She was only coherent when the pain was too much and she was no longer able to walk the short distance to the restroom.  Monday we spent the day at their house offering support and sitting with Mary to take some pressure off her family.  It was a rough day with lots of tears as we watched our friend gradually becoming nothing more than a shell of the woman she once was.  Tuesday was better and she actually opened her eyes and waved her fingers when my mom came into her room.  The corner of her mouth turned up slightly in a half grin before it disappeared quickly.  That small moment of recognition will make my mom smile for years to come :).

Wednesday I showed up at their house and it was unusually quiet.  No one was around and there was a strange noise coming from Mary's upstairs bedroom.  When I walked in the room I found her husband cuddling her with her best friend singing praises to God holding Mary's hand.  The strange noise was Mary trying to breath, the death rattle.  I heard her husband whisper to her, "It's ok, go be with Jesus.  I love you."

We started making phone calls and quickly the house filled with loved ones.  You would have thought it was a party, except for the trepidation in the air of what the coming hours would bring.  Although, I think some of us forgot what Mary is like.  When she heard that nurse say, "this is it," I think she got a little rebellious ;).  The more people that showed up at the house, the better Mary got.  Her breathing eased, she was a little more alert, and I tell ya what, we thought she was going to get up, walk down the stairs and get herself a glass of water.  Obviously that didn't happen but we were all encouraged.

My mom and I stayed at the house with Mary's best friend, B, that night to help take care of her so her husband could get some sleep.  Things went well until 3:30am when Mary's pain was too much.  We had to giver her pain medicine earlier than scheduled and call hospice care for more instructions.  It took nearly 3 hours to get her pain under control and everyone, including Mary, was exhausted.  Despite the ordeal, the rest of the day looked good and everyone was thinking weeks instead of hours.

Unfortunately, we were all wrong.  My mom and I arrived at the house Friday afternoon.  We were getting there later than we had planned but weren't in a hurry.  We spent time with Mary, her mom and 2 friends.  I will always cherish those last moments with her.  Her congestion kept getting worse.  The medicine was not alleviating anything.  Her husband knew he could do nothing.  Her breathing very suddenly slowed to 1-3 breaths a minute.  I sat with Mary's mom watching and trying to comfort her as she watched her youngest daughter die.  My mom and two friends sang my favorite hymn to Mary . . .

"Take me past the outer courts, into the holy place.  Past the brazen alters, Lord I want to see your face.  Pass me by the crowds of people and the priests who sing your praise.  Lord I hunger and thirst for your righteousness, but it's only found one place.  Take me in to the holy of holies.  Take me in by the blood of the Lamb.  Take me in to the holy of holies.  Take the coal, cleanse my lips, here I am."

A moment later she took her final breath and was gone.  She was only 52 years old.

It was unreal watching someone die, especially someone I am so close to.  All of us grieved all week long as she slowly left us.  There have been brief moments of joy knowing that she is finally healed.  She is no longer suffering and talking up a storm in heaven.  She is finally seeing the face of her Savior. 

Her husband laid with her for 2 hours after she died, whispering little things to her.  "Let someone else talk once in a while."  "You finally have all your beautiful blond hair back."  "I love you." Finally the nurse showed up with the chaplain to pronounce what we already knew.  It took another hour for the people to show up to take her body.  Some people couldn't watch and went downstairs while two men in suits wrapped her in a beautiful quilt, brought her down the stairs and wheeled her out the door on a gurney.  That was the last time we will ever see her.

Surprisingly I have been okay.  I know it has only been a day and a half, but I know it is okay, she is okay.  I will miss an incredible woman who was like a second mother to me for the 27 years I have been alive.  Her smile and loud voice will continue to warm my heart and soul.  And we will all be okay.

Mary is dancing with the angels and praising God's name.




*side note: I also got the call that I did not get a job I had interviewed for while sitting with Mary one night.  It has been quite a week ;).